Mathis Madness: May 2010

In the little town in Texas where I grew up, the first weekend in May there was a little fair at the Square. It was like a little homemade carnival. There was a cake walk, bean bag toss, watermelon. I remember that. I haven't thought about it in a long time, but since I am, I remember that. I remember I put a quarter on the cake walk one year, I put it on the number five. Mom only had one quarter left, but I told her I would win a cake. Although at this point in life I realize she didn't think I would; at that moment she made me feel like she believed I could. And ya know what? I did. I won that cake! To this very day, five is my lucky number.

This was a big day for me. This was the day I earned a lucky number. This day, this really great day, would help mold the rest of my life. Not that I knew it at the time. Think about how many of life's decisions are based on your lucky number. Lucky numbers probably have more effect on the outcome of our lives than we care to think about, but I digress.

It's amazing what we lose: living life. I mean life is good, but we forget life has always had good moments. We forget because we don't stop long enough to remember every once in awhile. I haven't thought about that day in about nineteen years. Yeah at about that time, life got too busy.

I have no idea how old I was that day. Maybe Jarom's age. Somewhere around there. The details have long since faded. I remember it was warm that day. Texas always was in May. I don't know what I was wearing, or what Mom was wearing. I don't know why it was the last quarter, or how many quarters we started with. I cannot remember what else we had done at the carnival. I don't remember for sure, but I think it was the very last moment before we left that day. I can't remember what we did after the carnival. Probably went home, ate some dinner, maybe watched some TV, and went to bed. I don't remember, but I am pretty sure we probably had cake for dessert that night! I imagine I would have been proud as pie, knowing I won that cake.

Now I have a son who is about the same age I was that day. The sad part, I don't know if my son is having moments like the one I had that day. You know, the ones you remember long after you can't remember them anymore. Perhaps he is, we try to do cool things. I just don't know if he is. We try to provide them with the experiences that will help them become individuals, but it's hard to know if what we are doing is right. Feedback is limited, and they didn't come with instructions.

Do you think Mom and Dad felt like it was hard raising us? Like life is stressful and it keeps piling up? Were they constantly pulled in too many different directions? What kind of sacrifice had to be made to pull a $10 roll of quarters out of thin air?

Do you think our kids see it the way we did? Do you think our kids just think we had a good day as a family, and that's it? Do you think they -at all- see the time and effort we put into making life good for them?

Do you think they think about it at all, our kids? I don't remember ever giving it much consideration. The carnival was coming up, we were going. We always did every year. Mom and Dad had to worry about the rest, right? Actually, I never even gave it enough thought to think about whether or not Mom and Dad actually had to "worry" about it.

Was Dad even there? I don't remember. Probably not. He almost never was. It always felt like it was just Mom. Didn't Dad want to be there? Since I am an adult, I can perhaps see there may have been another reason he wasn't there. Is it possible he was somewhere working hard to earn the money we were spending at the carnival? I threw that quarter up on the cake walk like it meant nothing. Do you think Dad thought a quarter meant "nothing?"

Do you think years after one of the "that day" happens for our kids, our kids might stop long enough to look back and smile on that great day? Or will life get too busy for them?

I'd like to think this parenting thing isn't as thankless as I give it credit for most days. We'll get our praise for a job well done at some point, right? Of course, we may never know when it finally does happen. I didn't realize it until after it was too late to thank the people who made it happen for me.

So just in case you need a word of encouragement for doing what you are doing day in and day out:
Just in case you feel like children believe they cannot and will not appreciate their parents:
Just in case I perhaps want to pay it forward since I can't pay it back:

Thank you all for being good parents to the children I love. I appreciate you! You are doing great! Keep it up!

Love, Jodi

And as if this wasn't enough goodness for one Mother's Day... This is an email from my fabulous husband.....

"I hope you are having a great and wonderful day. I am so glad that you are my wife and the mother of our kids. I can't tell you in words how much I appricate what you do for us each and every day. I find myself looking at the blog and crying. Oh how I miss you and the kids. I am so excited that we have another offer on the house so that we can reunite as a family. I cannot wait to see how the kids have grown. You are the reason I keep going everyday I hate being away from you but I find it easier being able to talk to you and see the pictures on the blog.I love you forever and always, Robert"